- You realize just what you had once you lose it.
- July 10th, 2009
Moving has been a difficult process. We've moved everything into the new apartment and now all we have to do is unpack.
I don't really want to unpack, it feels kind of futile since I'll be gone in August. Mom wants me to feel like I have a bedroom here, I think, but for me 'bedroom' is wherever I sleep.
Today I'm waiting for the couch guys to deliver the new couch Mom bought yesterday. It's been a couchless 3 weeks in the new place, and I never completely realized how much couches are important to my comfortableness. My 'desk' has been the dining table, It's been serving it's purpose as a place to put Compy and to sit, but my back reaaally hurts...
I've been giving a lot of thought about what I want to do from this point in my life on. Not just the big things like major, either. I take a lot of joy in making plans and decisions. I have a list of things I want to do in my life, and I really want to just start making achievements...
When I was young and life sucked, I always had this goal to look up to. It always stressed me so much to know I was not in control. I love my parents, but I never trusted them to make choices for me. I'm lucky to have a mom that actually listens to my logic.... Sometimes.
My back really hurts today and I think I know why.
Last night Mom wanted to move EVERY ARTICLE OF FURNITURE in her bedroom. And you know what peeved me the most? Weeks before when we were moving things in, I told her what I thought was the most reasonable setup, but I told her it was ultimately her choice to make. She seemed unconvinced, and set it up her way until she realized she was completely wrong and set it up the exact way I told her the first time. And I did not hesitate to point that out.
Speaking of choices, I've been giving some thought on how to live my life. At doedeereblogazine.com Doe recently posted e-mails she's gotten about individuality and how to deal with it. A girl had e-mailed her about how she and her boyfriend had been beaten up for dressing the way they want. Another girl had been publicly critizited by a teacher at her graduation concerning the way she dressed.
I remember I used to dress however the hell I wanted to in Silsbee, lots of black and neon colors and whatever made my feel happy. Silsbee schools are big and there's enough cliques that no one messed with each other much. You could always find people who dressed like you. Now when I mention I dressed in black, I wasn't goth or whatever.. I'm not even sure what goth is. I'm nerdy and straight-edge. And the lot of people who accepted my dress code couldn't understand why I made good grades and refused to drink or do drugs. I moved to a more intolerant, country town after my freshmen year of high school, and I realized I'd get seriously hurt if I kept dressing "like a freak". I really don't understand how people can get so worked up over the way one person dresses that they would threaten and assult people. It's just clothes.
But nonetheless I miss dressing in bright colors and such. I've limited my closet to T-shirts and jeans. And sometimes I can't stand being so conformed, and sometimes it doesn't seem worth the trouble to dress the way I like. I showed some friends some pictures of me way back when, in fishnet and heavy eyeliner and neon green. They said I looked a lot happier than I am now.
Have you told your couch you love it?
Have you made any big choices lately?
Did you ever have to change yourself because of other people?